Hmmm...

Sometimes I look into Ian's eyes and I see the wisdom of the universe and the smile of one who has this knowledge and isn't telling. I know he's not supposed to be very cognizant at this age but I don't know if I believe it. Ian has a very mellow soul and mostly this has made it pretty easy for Aaron and I to adapt, mostly... The last couple of days he's been kinda fussy. He'll be hungry but not willing to breastfeed and/or tired but not able to sleep. I don't know if it is something I have been eating - maybe too much sugar?? It's too bad he couldn't just instant message me even if he can't talk. :-) Aaron and I are learning. Mostly it's a trial and error thing, and sometimes we find something that works and the next time it is unacceptable. Again I sound like I am complaining. I don't mean to be. 95% of the time this little guy is awesome. It's only in the evenings, like from 8 to 1 or 2 that he gets ornery. The last two nights he has feed for multiple hours pretty much continuous until we break down and give him some of the stash out of the fridge cause Mom can't take it anymore. I'm not sure what this is about. I produce enough milk for him the rest of the day. Maybe he's trying to stock up for the night. Who knows! I do know that all of this is temporary including all the good stuff so I am really glad I took that incomplete. I am now caught up with school work (except one exam) and can enjoy just hanging out with Ian and trying to absorb his wisdom.

Oh Boy Oh Boy!

I bet you've noticed there hasn't been a blog entry in awhile. Well, I've been kinda busy... Everyone told me my life would change but you just have no concept until you're there. My whole life is dictated by someone else's bodily functions! I'm breastfeeding and my child has a voracious appetite so I am essentially stuck in a chair for what seems like hours on end of feeding and burping and spitting up and changing until Ian finally falls into a milk stupor for a few hours. At night he's a little nipper napper - he feeds for maybe 15 minutes and then falls back into a deep sleep. Sounds good except the deep sleep only lasts max an hour before he's hungry again and we do it all over. I asked my professor for an incomplete in Hydrology today. He granted it and said I could either finish the class in the summer or next fall. I checked and I will still be able to walk in the spring and go on to grad school with the incomplete and since I am staying at the University of Michigan for grad school I have some time to finish the class - no pressure. My department has been great about supporting me through all of this. One of the reasons I am staying on.

I think in my last entry I was having second thoughts about all of this grad school stuff. I got some great advice that if I am to error it should always be on the side of family. I heartily agree and so will stay at Michigan against the ruling thought. I never knew my grandparents and always thought I missed something special (like getting spoiled rotten) I don't want Ian to miss out on that. Besides Aaron loves his job and I am happy at UM. So I stay for at least a masters and then I'll decide on the next step when the time comes.

Juggling

Hello from the land of the sleep deprived. Everyone told me that having a baby would change my life - but you don't really know what everyone means until you're there. So my life has changed... drastically. I'm in the process of reevaluating my whole life and my goals. Do I really want to pursue a PhD? Now it isn't just what is best for me and for Aaron, but the deciding factor is what is best for Ian? I am really tempted to call good enough, good enough and just get a master's degree. Then Aaron, Ian and I can settle down in a town and buy a house (another one) and Ian could go to school and ok, I could start making some money!! That sure would make life a little easier. I returned to school this week and Aaron returned to work so this is part of the reassessing process. I mean do I really want to keep doing this for five more years? And at some point Aaron and I want to have another baboo, and do I want to still be in school? This what I'm thinking about today while I wait for Aaron to pick me up.